After graduating from university, throughout our 20s, relationships start to get more and more serious, and therefore long-term. The proof is that every single one of my closest girlfriends is in a serious long-term relationship. With this comes the inevitable “I want my parents to meet you since you are such an important part of my life”, followed by the anxiety of whether your parents will approve of your boyfriend or not. If they don’t like him, for reasons I mentioned before, here are some tips to help you and your boyfriend win the war against your parents’ disapproval of him.

1. Ask them straight up why they don’t like him. When put in the spot, they will be forced to verbalize their “rational” reasons or from lack of anything to say, realize that they are stupid to judge him, and that he’s actually really great. (Reference: Answerbag.com)
2. Talk to your parents and tell them just how much their disapproval is hurting you. Parents don’t like to see their children upset, so they will make a better effort to warm up to him. (More…)
3. Show them how committed you are to each other (mainly, he to you) so that your parents take the relationship more seriously and not write it off as just a fling.
4. This is a hard one since I’m guilty of this too, but try to show your parents that you are not dependent on your boyfriend… basically that you don’t “need” him, but you “want” him. This independence in you will increase your parents confidence in you, and they will trust your decisions about your love life more.
5. Get your friends, cousins, and siblings to fill your parents ears will great things about your boyfriend. When mum and dad see that your BFFs approve, the peer pressure might get to them as well.
6. Put your boyfriend in touch with your parents. If he was able to win you over, he just might be able to win them over too.

In the end, it might be up to your boyfriend to gain their approval, so let him try if he’s up for it. Don’t try to “protect” him or your parents from dealing with this face to face. If your parents aren’t willing to give him any chance at all, they are just not being considerate towards you: their own daughter. Remind them of that. And good luck on the mission!

A girlfriend of mine recently had a big showdown with her parents over her boyfriend, which inspired me to write this.

Although I have no personal experience being a parent, I imagine the following to be a few reasons why they might disapprove of your boyfriend (I’m trying to imagine the most conservative parents out there, so I’m warning the readers in advance of the outrageousness of the following):

• He is of a different race – This the one reason that makes me saddest, since I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being on the losing end of this narrow-mindedness. This is sadly quite common these days since our generation is much more open-minded about interracial dating, while some in our parents’ generation still can’t even imagine it.
• He’s of a different religion – Parents are afraid of their daughter losing her faith, or I don;t know…of god punishing them, or whatever. To me, its irrational.
• He is not rich - Like many ladies out there, parents are superficial too. (continued in the next reason)
• His career – Parents are afraid that their darling little girl wont be taken care of by the brilliant starving artist, dancer, rapper, or the stand up comedian who she’s dating.
• He is not respectful - to you, or your parents, or both. Parents have an uncanny ability to read this in your boyfriend. Even if he is a super-ass-kisser, if he doesn’t genuinely respect your parents or you, your parents will be able to tell immediately, in which case, you should take their advice because you deserve someone who respects you and is proud of you.
• He’s your boyfriend - It seems so obvious to us, but parents have a really hard time dealing with letting their little girls grow up and be women on their own right. They can’t even imagine you getting physical with your boyfriend, let alone admitting their little princess has long since been a virgin.
• He is also your roommate – because of the previous reason, they don’t want to be reminded of the the fact that you sleep with your boyfriend every single night. Also, it is a huge social thing in many cultures and social classes, or even as small as social circles to have your children live with their partners before they go through the whole social institution of marriage.

I could go on and on, but I’m going to stop now, and think up some ways to get your parents on your boyfriend’s side. Those tips are coming up next, so stay tuned.